A Series of Cheddar Apple Pies
“Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire were intelligent children, and they were charming, and resourceful, and had pleasant facial features, but they were extremely unlucky, and most everything that happened to them was rife with misfortune, misery, and despair. ”
I'm not going to go over the entire series with this recipe... I'm only covering the first book. I couldn't name the post after the first book, though, because there's nothing bad about this pie.
It's a bit weird, but it's definitely good.
Just like this book.
To make this desert, I decided to use the Baudelaire siblings as my inspiration, rather than the entire book.
I wanted to take things I found laying around my kitchen, and turn them into something else, like Violet does to make all of her inventions.
I had apples, which Sunny would love biting into, rosemary from the danishes I made from last week's post on The Hunger Games, and mild cheddar flavored Wholey Cheese crackers.
The next thing to figure out was what to turn these ingredients into. Like the Baudelaire siblings when they found out they had to make dinner for Count Olaf and his troupe, I knew I had to consult some cookbooks.
"She lead them through an elegant hallway smelling of flowers into an enormous room, and when they saw what was inside, they nearly fainted from delight, Klaus especially. The room was a library" (37).
Pies, the crusts especially, are very exact. More-so than cakes, in my opinion. I knew if I made a pie, I was going to have to do a lot of research on the best way to incorporate the crackers into the crust.
And I did. But when you try to find any kind of pie crust recipe with crackers, you only get recipes for graham crackers. And that's not what I wanted.
So it became a matter of trial and error.
And since my research fell flat, and everything is always falling apart around the Baudelaire siblings, I wanted to top the pie with a crumble, instead of a second crust.
While I usually make crusts and cut fruit by hand, I felt it was only fitting if I followed Violet's lead and used some gadgets.
Cheddar Crust
-1 1/2 c all-purpose flour
-2 c Mild Cheddar Wholey Cheese Crackers
-1 tsp salt
-1 c unsalted butter, cold
-5 tbsp water, really really cold
Place the crackers in a food processor and blend until they're almost a powder.
Add the flour and salt to the blender and pulse until the ingredients are combined.
Cut the butter into squares, then add it into the flour mixture.
Blend the butter into the flour. You'll know it's done when it looks like the picture above.
Using a fork, stir the water into the dough. It should be sticky enough to pull together into a ball, but it shouldn't stick to your fingers. It also shouldn't be so dry that it cracks, so you'll have to watch it. If it's dry, add more water, and if it's too sticky, add a little flour.
Put the ball of dough on a floured surface, and roll out a circle. I wanted the crust on the thicker side, so I left mine about 1/2 inch thick. If you want a thinner crust, you can just roll it out thinner.
Transfer the crust to your pie dish. I used a 9-inch glass dish. My crust also broke as I was moving it to the dish. If yours does too, don't worry—you can just squish the crust back together in the pan with your fingers. It'll mold back together and you won't be able to tell after it bakes.
Place the crust in the refrigerator until you're ready to add the apples.
Apple Filling
-5 apples (I used what I had on hand, which were 3 Divine apples and 2... red apples. I don't know what kind. They sort of looked like Red Rome, but they were smaller.)
-1/2 tsp lemon juice
-1/2 tsp lemon zest
-1/3 c white sugar
-3 tbsp flour
-1 tsp fresh rosemary, diced
-pinch of salt
Peel and core the apples.
Cut the apples into very thin slices, then cut the slices in half. I took a picture of the gadget I used for this. It's an apple peeler, corer, and slicer. If you don't have one, and you plan on making apple-anything more than once a year, you should make the investment. I had all five apples peeled, cored, and sliced in about five minutes. The only thing I had to do with the knife was cut the slices in half. It's amazing.
Place the all of the ingredients in a large bowl, and toss them all together.
Put the apples in the crust. You can either layer them nicely, or you can dump them all in. I tend to prefer layering them, just because I enjoy the process, and I thought the Baudelaire siblings would appreciate the tidiness. The apples should fit, leaving enough room on top for the crumble.
Pour any leftover juice into the pie.
Crumble
-1/2 c all-purpose flour
-3/4 c Wholey Cheese crackers
-1/2 c unsalted butter
-1 c white sugar
Grind the crackers down in the food processor, just like you did with the crust.
Add the flour and sugar, and hit the pulse button a few times to combine it all.
Cube the butter, then add it to the food processor.
Blend the butter into the sugar, flour, and crackers.
5. Pour the crumble on top of the pie, completely covering the apples. I had some left over, so don't try to make it all fit and over-fill the pie dish.
6. Pat the crumble down to keep it nice and secure, then poke a hole in the center to make sure all of the apples cook evenly.
7. Place the dish on top of a baking sheet (in case it overflows—you really don't want to be cleaning sugar from the bottom of your oven, trust me).
8. Bake the pie at 450 degrees for 13-15 minutes, letting the top turn golden brown.
9. REDUCE the heat to 350 degrees, then continue cooking for 45-55 minutes.
10. Remove the pie from the oven, and let it cool.
If you feel like taking the chance, you can cut into it while it's still slightly warm and hope the crust doesn't break and the apples don't fall everywhere. Which, naturally, is what I did. Or you can play it safe and let it come to room temperature to ensure your slice will stay in one piece.
That said... is it even possible to take the first slice out of a pie without having it fall apart and make a mess?
I don't really think so.
